This feeling totally sucks.
You'll be gone so soon. So soon. For the past month, studies pulled me away from thinking so much. But how to not feel, when i lost someone so close to me. I made myself buzy, always hanging out with other friends, or drown myself in books. Now that major o lvl subjects are done, the chills are returning . I can't help but feeling sad.
I don't know why we stopped talking, why we stopped msging. Why we arent so close any more. Guess this the way it should be? Long ago i wanted to pull apart from you, so i know, when you leave, i won't feel sad. But no. You are so nice. Why are you so nice? Why? I remembered the day you smsed me, asking why we are not close anymore. My heart sank, but i didnt want to say out the reason. I was scared too. But as this few days past, your absence was ... was.. :(
There's the period where you were really my best friend. You are the only one, whom i will approach when I have trouble or sorrow. But right now ... I guess your priority had changed.
Nevertheless
I was enchanted to meet you.
O lvl
Just felt like writing down some crap here ya know.
I don't feel the stress at all. THIS IS BAD. =.= Okay, to me , El is like the utmost subj, and i didnt even feel a tinge of fear. LOL. But gotta admit, mugging shit loads nowadays. Out of 7 days at least 5 days i will be at Parkway studying. Right... I always wanted to have solo mug, which is not exactly true.. Somehow, solo will become group study. LOL. Parkway have too many familar faces i suppose?
Hung out with lots of muggers , been out every single day, kinda loved the life already hehehe. But actually one main reason i frequent parkway is because of my EYECANDY HEHEHEHE. okay larh , he is sooooo cool and sophisticated and bla blaaa blaaaa whatever~~ OMGOSHH okay i remember once upon a time , when i was solo mugging, i realise there's this hot guy sitting at the next table beside me who is also hardcore mugging. I didnt take notice of him at all , till after about 10 hours of mugging next to each other. I REALISE HE IS SOOOOO CUTE. LOLXXX. Okay sound like a total bimbo -.- And i tweeted like crazy bout him , like wtf? KK i shall feast my eyes :)
And natasha babeh~~ LOL i'v gotten closer to her after the continuous spasms of parkway carl's jr..... haha she's very charming you guys know?!?! ! LOL so many suitors i feel intimidated ;) ;) ;) WINks WINKS winks! Ohh now that i'v thought of it check out this video
http://www.clicknetwork.tv/watch.aspx?c=3&p=25&v=444
Some boob job thingy on this blogger call bong qiu qiu. I think its hilarious ! And nat thought it was sad. Hmmmm? But srsly i'v always got this question on my mind. Would people rather be fat and have boobs or skinny but boobless? LOL obviously the latter right? Okay maybe they havent been though what i call humiliation because of adipose tissues -.- Right , and tadah , im seriously considering going for surgery when im 20 + . Hahahaaa i know fake and bla bla bla, LOL do i look like i giv a fk?
That bastard is calling me almost every damn night. Which is damn irritating i swear.
Graduation -Cchms
Back to the day , where i first walked into chung cheng. Damn i wanna scream . I entered a temple. I remember i cried
To mark the beginning , Sheena was my first friend.
1/2 loyalty , it was one of the best years i'v had. I matured a lot. My clique did crazy stuffs , i knew what popularity does to people, I'v got hurt, yet i'v hurt others. I let opportunities, i let friendships, slipped past me. I lost almost everything. And that's when i learn. To deal with life.
Im sure everyone knows about the fight between me and Jace, so save the elaboration. Till now, Im still feeling neutral. But she had a impact on my life, hate to admit , she taught me lots of things. Be it studies or having fun. Still, the ugly fight between us was a volcano eruption. Let past be the past, we both moved on.
Fiona, Thru the years , yes , 4 years, lots and lots of fights and tears. Gossiping, partying, so on and so forth. After we each went into separate classes, we changed. I definitely know i changed a lot, my character and such. Cuz i learnt to protect myself. Just like what the old saying say, best friends stick through thick and thin, you'v always been there,i know. And bloody hell , im gna miss the everyday train ride tgt , going to school tgt, laughing at juniors who think they'r so cool. And reminiscence of the past. As we move on, we'r gna drift, and its quite obvious isn't it? We aren't as close as before, we hardly have time to bond. Nevertheless, we are still best friend even though we barely spoke, we can always chat non-stop whenever we meet each other.
yes yes . i KNOW IM DAMN SPASTIC. =.= LAUGH ALL YOU WANT. HAHHAHAHAHAA. cuz im laughing too :D
It was all a mess. But im glad everything cleared up. At least i know Ly people are fine with me now . Haha thank you guys. I really didnt know how to approach your. And some people think im angry at them. But i put the past away since sec 3 . Im still friendly kay! :D
Sec 3 , i was last in class, i was severely overweight(In fact the heaviest time of my life) . I felt useless. I was heartbrokened. Till I got the motivation, to start it over. Im in control of my life. And thats when things start to change
Caslyn and yelling, we'v really stick to each other since sec 3 , all the funny things your have said or done. They stay with me, I remember how we used to talk about killing chickens and going all vegetarian , while ironically sitting in kallang KFC. And those tears we shed together when everything's a mess. The encouragement letters your frequently gave me, still rest peacefully in my drawer. They are part of my memories. It was… till mid year, you two were really close, and i felt extra, and even left out frequently. And we all drifted apart. But still we are good friends aren't we? I'm happy how things had turn out now, guess its the best out of both worlds!
(I AM FRIGGING SPASTIC AM I NOT?!)
Sec 4, started to study , and specially for amaths , because of Mr so, without your encouragement, i seriously don't think i would have persevered. It was a jump of F9 to A1, i cried in sheer bliss the first time i got A1. Things just gets better, i started to study and lose weight. I settle down, and finally get a grip on my life.
Linyi, there's so much . Thanks for helping me get out of that black hole' you know what im talking bout hahahah' , You made me study , make me mug !! :) And you bonded our class tgt. Though you do get moody sometimes, and sometimes me too. We always accommodate each other, or at least apologize, whoever that is in wrong.
And now, qianyun,shi jia, natasha, yueling, beatrice. You girls light up my life, the last month in 4 ep was unforgettable. So many memories, so many outings ,so much fun. I don't have the time to get to know each of you better because of Olvl but i know our friendship still gna continue cuz we got way too many outings after O LVL!!!!! So i shall not elaborate on how much i love you girls now :) Save it for next year after i got back my result slip LOL :P Now let the pictures do the talking :D:D
Vincent, and stephen. And vin, the closest guy friend i'v had. Im glad i met him, we have so many common interests,numerous conversations, night mugging hours. The lists stretch on ~ If there ever will , perhaps i will see him again in USA someday :) Haiz , will miss him when he's gone :( ! Ahem. *BFT? * And stephen , haha he's always a bitch in my eyes. LOL. I cant imagine the days when there's one less annoying brat screaming by my ear calling me fatty or meatball or snowball lalala and so on. Though he's mean to me, but i know thats his way of showing friendliness. -.- Haha, life won't be the same without them .
Wongmin, we'v never really been extremely close.But always been good friends. Thanks for always standing there by my side. I know everytime people talked bad about me, you won't take their side and would always asked me what happened. ANd bothered to listen to hear my side of the story. The best time spent with you was the carl's jr HAHAHAHA, we sat there for hours ranting non-stop. Hang out soon babe. AND OMG. IF ONLY YOU WILL GO TOUR WITH ME USA NEXT YEAR!!!
PS read her blog its interesting ;) http://deathandhisdyingfish.wordpress.com/
ITS ALL THE TINY BITS AND PIECES THAT FOLLOWS ME.
Back to the day , where i left chung cheng gate. Damn i wanna scream. I left the temple(under construction now) I remember i cried
Im trying way too hard to become someone Im not.
Yes. I know. My life looks perfect . Maybe that's the difference between 'looks' and 'is'.
Life
1) Studies
2) Friends
3) Family
4) Appearance
For the past few months, my life has been constantly improving. Not being proud or showing off, but indeed, everything had been going my way. My studies improved , my friends/my social cycle increased, my family dotes on me now cause im so obedient.And i lost weight. Look like a lot huh? But wait. take a breath. Lemme just say. Im fucking unhappy.
FML. I think im getting depression.
Spoke with my cousin,she told me ever since the beginning of this year, im starting to change. Slowly and slowly, happiness seeps out of my life. My dad told me a few hours ago:
Dad: Your skin looks really bad.
Me: Pimples la, will go away , teenager sure have one!
Dad: Not your pimples, is your face, it looks pale and weak and unhappy
(Translated version)
Under that smile. Who's that? Hahahaha.
Yes… i looked into the mirror, i can scarcely make out 'myself' . The person staring back at me , no longer bare that dainty smile. No more wildness in her eyes, in its place ,a hollow, sunken pair of eyes. In search of perfection, i threw away happiness. Is that what i really want? Why am I trying so hard, sooo hard that i changed who I am! Constantly, i felt as if im putting up a fake front, pulling a mask , tryna hide the real me. Yeaa yea it worked so well, but no. Im tired of pretending. Im tired of faking. I just wanna be myself again :'( But the difficult part is, I don't even know who i am anymore, == Comprehend much? Doubt so.
Britney's song:
She is so lucky , but why does she cry?
If there is nothing , missing in her life
Why do tears come at night?
Im feeling exactly the same .
